The holidays are right around the corner! While chatting with a friend the other day, I began to realize just how stressful spending time with family can really be for so many people. Some families see each other often and experience life together from season to season. Other families, like hers, only gather once a year. But with those annual meetings comes the baggage, frustrations, and unresolved issues that were shoved away the year before. They can cast a dark cloud that looms over the holiday season.
While the saying “you can’t pick your family” may be true, we certainly can choose how we respond to them. What if this year was different? What if feelings didn’t get hurt and people weren’t offended? What if this year the time spent with difficult family members was actually a blessing? It can be if we choose to adopt a few new behaviors…
Watch your mouth
Not using curse words or foul language may initially come to mind, and that’s true, but I am thinking of something different. We can choose not to use words as a weapon. Sarcasm and backhanded compliments sting when we hear them, so how about we choose not to say them ourselves? Waging a war of quick wit and snarky comebacks usually ends with participants limping away with hurt feelings. What if the words we choose to use build others up and encourage rather than tear down and criticize?
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mothers, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
Assume positive intent
This is a tough one! It is so easy to choose to be offended when we assume comments are intended to wound and critique. While we are mindful of what we say and how we say it, we can also choose to let go of the comments that can hurt our feelings. What if this year we choose to receive the compliment and dismiss the critique? What if we decide to take words at face value instead of assuming there is an alternative meaning? We could certainly make better use of the time spent overthinking conversations and change the way we see them!
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
Find common ground
Even if our family members are spread far and wide, we share more life events than we may realize. Issues with work, parenting or marriage challenges, good times and bad – they are all part of the human condition. What if we came together and be honest about life instead of pretending everything is perfect? Maybe finding a new common ground may connect hearts that had felt very distant.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
Time spent with family members doesn’t have to be difficult, not if we choose to approach it differently. It is possible for our holidays to be happy… not just with our favorite people but with ALL people. When we decide to watch our mouths, assume positive intent, and find common ground we may even make everyone else’s holiday a little brighter as well!
Be blessed!
Jennifer
“…let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16